There's a Dragon in the Closet

There's a dragon in Kymee's closet.

I could attire a Uganda village of children with the clothes hanging there. Seriously. There are clothes she has never even worn and others she may have worn once or twice. And every day she pulls her silky PJ pants out of the dirty clothes pile and replaces the cute little outfit I put on her. I want to dress her in a new name boutique style outfit every day of the month and all she wants is stinky PJs. I have made the dragon into a pet and feed it regularly. 

Daddy feeds the dragon too! 

I can justify my glamour-girl gluttony.

Some of the clothes were gifts, boughten by others or hand-me-downs.

I’m an amazing shopper and I got great deals on all of it.

I was so poor when my other little girl was little that I never got to dress her how I wanted – so now I have a new doll to play with.

Social workers told us when Kymee was little that her biggest challenge in life was not going to be all the surgeries she’d have to endure but rather being bullied because of her scars and messed-up mouthful of teeth. In my mind, up-dressing her will make her less receptive to ridicule.

Some may wear their pride on their sleeve – mine walks beside me in frilly dresses and converse.

I want to glorify God with the money I have, not use it to feed the dragon in the closet. I want my daughter’s worth to rest in her being created in God’s image and for His purpose – not in the fact that she is the best dressed little girl on the playground.

I have a plan. You can now hold me accountable to it. I have made a list of what I believe she needs for any one of the four season (or the two Texas seasons – Hot and Cold).

Here’s the list:

7 Play Clothes (indoor/outside)

7 shirts

7 skirts or shorts or tutus

7 leggings or tights

1 Sweatshirts

1 Hoodie

1 Painting Shirt or Cotton Dress (Large enough to cover clothes – so she doesn’t always have to paint naked)

This part of the wardrobe is all about Kymee’s new-found 3 year old philosophy of life, “Do it myself.”
Everything has elastic and she can dress herself.
She can pick her own clothes. Everything is mix and match

A Japanese Princess Street Style which isn’t matchy-matchy like buying the entire “Unicorn Garden” collection at Gymboree.

3 Nice Casual Outfts

1 Jeans or Jeggings

2 “Special” Shirts

1 Casual Dress

This part of the wardrobe is all about me, and my pride, and what “I” want people to see Kymee in. 

Emylee feeds the dragon, too. "What
do you mean only one casual dress?
I buy her more than that!" 

4 Church Dresses

One dress a week for a month – then rotate for at least 3 months.

This is about Kymee and me– I’m searching for “silky” dresses which feel like her PJs -  Dresses she loves to wear and are special enough to meet and worship the King of Kings, the God of the Universe.

3 Shoes

Dress Shoes

Boots

Tennis Shoes

Sweaters/Coats

Rain Jacket or All Purpose Jacket

2 Cardigan Sweaters (Pastel & White – for play and dresses) 
1 Heavy Coat

I'm saving money by having her
wear the coats
with no clothes underneath 

Other

3 or 4 “silky” PJs

1 Swimsuit in Fall & Winter, and 3 in Spring & Summer (There really should be a Swimsuit Anonymous for those like me who are addicted to cute swimwear) 

"I'm Joyce Pinero, and I am addicted to buying
too many swimsuits for my daughter."

14 underwear
White & Pink nylons for church

1 Pair White Church Socks

5 pairs white athletic socks  (In my house socks go in the wash married and come out single – picking one type of sock means they can have polyamorous relationships)

 

And of course, a tiara

Fun Accessories (Optional - as I find them at good prices)

2 or 3 necklaces 

Hat – For fashion & fun, not warmth

Knee Socks

Leg Warmers

Hair Bows – Kymee HATES hair bows

Purses – Kymee LOVES purses

I’m slaying this dragon. I’m selling everything in the closet which isn't on the list. I will keep a list in my purse of everything I need to fill in her fall wardrobe and as I find great deals I’ll purchase them. Or maybe I should just buy her a dozen pairs of “silky” PJs and call it a day. 

And with the money I save …
I think I’ll sponsor and clothe a Ugandan little girl. Sign me up, Emylee.

Letter to My Mom

Hi! I have so much to tell you. I have had such a fun year. My favorite color is pink. My favorite food is McDonald's hamburgers. My favorite TV show is Little Einsteins. 

I love to play. 

Inside

I love to play hide and seek. No one can see me in my tunnel.

I'm really good a building with legos and blocks.

Outside

I like having a tea party with my stuffed doggie. 

I love to play with water,

And climbing trees.

Best of all was playing at the beach. 

I go to speech therapy.  

At speech, I play game

and I play bubble to build my muscles.  Good thing I love blowing bubbles.

Maybe I'll be an artist when I grow up. 

I love to paint

and color with markers

and play with play-do.

I love to help cook. 

I love making cookies with my friends. I crack the eggs
and pour the sugar and stir the batter
but best of all is licking the batter off the spoon. 

I just learned how to peel carrots.

I even like washing dishes.

I love to dress up. Everyone says I'm a "girlie girl."

I love tutus

and pretty dresses

And I love wearing make-up!

I love animals

I have friends with goats and chickens. I like to chase them and to collect the eggs. 

Horses are big, but they don't scare me a bit! 

My best friend is my dog, Spartan. I like to chase him and pull his tail. I like to share my food with him  under the table. And I like to lay my head on him and use him as a pillow. I love him.

I love to give hugs and make people smile. I smile and wave at everyone I see whether I know them or not. I love when people smile back.

One of my favorite things to say is, "Rose happy" because I am. 

Love, Rose

A Special Love

Abuela thought we were crazy to adopt a baby. “You have kids who are married. You’ll be a grandma soon. Why adopt?”

Then she met Kymee. It was love at first sight. The only baby of mine who she hadn't been in the delivery room with – then again, I hadn't been in the delivery room either. No matter, no loss of “bonding.” 

She made up for not being in the hospital delivery room, by being in the hospital for each of Kymee’s operations. She maneuvered around Kymee’s breathing tubes and IV as she sang “La linda monita” to her.

Abuela crocheted her a blanket, and a hat, and bought her little dresses at garage sales. And when Kymee grew out of medically designed bottles, and no longer had to eat through a syringe – Abuela made her hot cereal, arroz con leche, and tembleque. Kymee’s first solid food was a bowl of Abuela’s beans and rice, which to this day is her favorite meal.

Before she could speak, we would pull our van up in front of Abuelo and Abuela’s house and Kymee would smile, squeal and clap.  Abuela was completely dejected when Kymee learned to say Abuelo before Abuela, and would pout if Kymee choose to give Papi a hug before she got one.

But no matter how sick she became, Abuela would light-up the minute Kymee entered the house. Kymee loved trying on Abuela’s hats and shoes, and playing with Abuela’s baby doll and Abuela would share her teddy bears that she’d received from loved ones as she was in the hospital.

Kymee and Abuela shared a love for gardening.  In the spring, when Abuela felt up to it, Kymee would help her water her flowers in the backyard. Kymee would walk around the garden and talk to all of Abuela’s ceramic turtles and frogs which were hidden under the bushes. Abuela would smile, laugh and hug her.

When Abuela was too sick to play, Kymee would sit and cuddle with her, and run around her, and hug and kiss her.  Kymee got scared when she saw Abuela in bed, too sick to play. Abuela told us to take her away and not scare her. Kymee left the room, a few minutes later, she crept back in and laid her favorite stuffed animal on Abuela’s chest, then ran out of the room. The precious gift was received and treasured all day as it remained on her chest.

Kymee may never remember these precious times with her Abuela, but God blessed Abuela through Kymee and gave her joy immeasurable in her final time here on earth.  

Should I be concerned?

Should I be concerned that my 2-year-old, Kymee, doesn't say many words and is hard to understand?

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/toddler-speech-development/AN01940

Not when she's this cute

But ...
Sometimes it's so hard to know if Kymee's speech is "normal" 2 almost 3 year old, or if there really is a problem. I listen to her every day - so I probably understand her more than others do. So, I decided to research it. 

Answer

from Jay L. Hoecker, M.D.

If you're unable to understand any of your 2-year-old's words, talk to your child's doctor about scheduling an evaluation. Done Speech delay can be an early sign of other developmental issues.So true

Although every child grows and develops at his or her own pace, toddler speech development tends to follow a fairly predictable path. For example, the average 2-year-old:

• Speaks at least 50 words Yes, but not necessarily understandable words
• Links two words together, such as "my cup" or "no juice", Yes
• Speaks clearly enough for parents to understand some of the words Yes - well maybe me more than Nelson, then again Nelson doesn't always understand what our 15 year old is saying

      The average 3-year-old:

• Speaks 250 to 500 or more words Not there yet - but somewhere between 50 and 250
• Speaks in three- and four-word sentences Just starting this
• Correctly uses pronouns (I, me, you, mine) Uses all of these, but not correctly
• States first name Sometimes, sometimes when we ask "What is your name?" She answers "Two" and holds up two fingers
• Speaks clearly enough for strangers to understand much of the time NO In fact, I can't understand her most of the time if she's sitting in the car seat and it isn't in context

So, I think speech therapy and age has brought Kymee more into "normal" range, but I don't think she is quite there yet. There are still letters she doesn't say, and strangers who don't understand her - but she's not supposed to speak to strangers anyway. 

So my question is  should I be concerned? 

The Only Thing to Fear is ...

The only thing to fear is fear itself ... or balloons, or rubber duckies, or sponges, or colored noodles, or nail polish, or bubbles ...


The first time we saw it, we laughed. It was Kymee's first birthday, and I was blowing up balloons - she shrieked in horror and ran away. Call me cruel, but I laughed when she ran as fast as she could away from the balloons and stared at them as if they may attack her at any moment.

She had a rubber duckie birthday party, so I was surprised a month later when I got a cute rubber duckie with a boa and princess crown for her and instead of squealing with delight she ran the other direction crying. The duckie sat in the middle of the living room and Kymee  never took her eyes off the duckie as she skirted the edges of the wall to navigate her way around it.

Then there was the time I picked up a packet of the sponge animals that grow in water. "Won't Kymee love these," I thought. Andres put them in water and as they grew Kymee's eyes grew too and became cloudy. She began screaming, and ran into my arms to save her. Andres picked one up and said, "See, it won't hurt you." She squeezed my neck tighter and buried her head in my chest. Andres placed the sponges on the border of his bedroom door and Kymee would not even think twice about entering his room. Smart boy.

We never know what will trigger her fear. This week we've experience three phobia triggers. That's a lot for a week.


We had a family Valentines Party. I made a sensory box for the toddlers. I colored spaghetti noodles with red food coloring added a few pink and red toys, spoons and measuring cups. The boys loved it. Kymee touched it and ran away shaking her head. She wouldn't come into the kitchen until I removed the sensory box.

Kymee brought me nail polish, which in the past she has been fearful of. I was surprised when she indicated she wanted me to put it on her. She sat perfectly still as I painted one set of toenails green and the other five piggies blue. I told her to sit still as they dried. She giggled as I blew on her toes. Mission accomplished. I sat her on her feet on the floor at which moment she looked at her toes and started screaming. I should have been filming for "America's Funniest Videos" as Kymee proceeded to kick her feet trying to fling the color off her toes. She stomped and tried to brush the color off with her hands all while screaming at the top of her lungs. If you have ever seen someone try to sling their toes away from themselves, you have to admit it is worth the $100,000 grand prize.

Kymee loves bath time, so I made a special Valentines Bath. Pink food coloring, bubble bath, foam hearts and silk rose peddles were added to the tub along with bathtub paints. I put Kymee in the tub. She froze. Fear creeped into her eyes, and she started crying. Why? She's played with paint in the tub. She's had colored water. She loves playing with the foam shapes. I picked up some bubbles in my hands, she cried more. The bubbles. She's scared of the bubbles.

At face value, each incident is funny. It's funny to be frightened by such trivial things, isn't it? We've all laughed at the absurdity. But who wants their little girl to be frightened of the world? It is a mom's job to protect their child and make her feel secure. I fail time, and time again. It is impossible to avoid an unknown trigger.

I'm going to get technical on you now - hang tight.

I remember when Kymee was little and having screaming fits (which she still has - less often but more violent). Her geneticist told me it was possible that the part of her brain that allows her to self-regulate, may not have developed properly in vitro. This week I was reading a book on how children's brains developed (that's what the nerdy me does for fun) - and it clicked.

The book explained that if the mother is anxiety-ridden or in great stress while pregnant, her body sends out stress hormones and set patterns for her developing fetus's brain "that 'wire' the unborn child for this automatic defense response diminishing the functioning of the high brain ... (The brain in the unborn child than is geared towards) protection and defense, rather than being free to move toward intellectual curiosity and exploration"(Oppenheimer). Since Kymee's mom was bipolar, and was prone to outburst of rage, is it possible that Kymee's brain is wired for defensiveness - she sees things differently than I do? - No specialist's evaluation, just a mom in deep thought.

The geneticist says that after Kymee turns three she can send her to behavior specialists who can help us teach Kymee to deal with some of her issues. I hope the fears are a part of that. It's unthinkable to have her go through life with possible fears creeping around every corner.

Since Princess Kymee can not fight the fear dragon herself, it's up to me, her mom to be her knight in shining armor and fight the demons for her. So I'll duel with balloons, banish over-dressed duckies,  exterminate sponges, discard colored noodles, cover piggies with socks, and scoop bath bubbles from the tub into the toilet (does this double as cleaning the toilet?).

So Princess Kymee can play unfearfully ever after.

Progress Report

Kymee has made so much progress in her speech this last semester. A week before she began speech she had her ear tubes replaced. I believe that the combination of hearing clearly, speech therapy, and age appropriate behavior has made all the difference. For those of you who are fascinated by technicalities of evaluations and therapy, like I am, this post is for you. This is a summery of Kymee's latest evaluation.










Before
Language:
1. Lack of verbal reasoning
2. Little to no knowledge of animals or household objects
3. Little use of social behaviors such as greetings or sharing
4. Identifies colors but unable to verbalize names
5. Unable to produce names of immediate family
6. Struggles with bilabial sounds, fricatives and glottal stops
(Googling this helped me understand Kymee could not make sounds which used both lips, or make sounds in which the airflow must be stopped to produce the sound)

Behavior:
1. Adapted to being with therapist away from Mom
2. 3 minute attention span
3. If more than one toy available for play - she struggles to choose and becomes upset
4. Is upset when asked to share (isn't this normal for a 2 1/2 year old?)
5. Throws toys when finished
6. Throws things at therapist instead of verbalizing her needs
7. Noises outside room distract her
8. Strikes the therapist wen doesn't want to participate in planned activity (I can vouch for this one personally)

Therapy Goals 
1. Repeat verbal commands 80% of time
Initial: 20%
Final: 100%
2. Verbally request items to play when prompted 80% of time
Initial: 40%
Final:90%
3. Verbally request items to play without prompting 80% of time in 2 sessions
Initial:40%
Final:90%
4. Repeat animal names 80% of time
Initial: 20%
Final:85%
5. Use 2 word phrases in structured play by modeling
Initial:25%
Final:90%
6. Repeat family names
Initial: 25%
Final: 85%
7. Repeat common household item names
Initial: 20%
Final:80%
8. verbally identify household objects
Initial:25%
Final: 75%

After
1. Says "all done" when finished with toys instead of throwing them
2. Verbalizes names of colors, animals and family member most of the time without prompting
3. Could play for 10 minutes without frustration
4. Could greet and share more age appropriately
5. Kymee no longer hits her therapist (now if we could figure out how to make her stop hitting Elijah)

Recommendations

1. Increse 2 word phrases

2. Increase age-appropriate vocabulary

3. Improve verbal identification of family members

4. Monitor Kymee's articulation production for further assessment and remediation 

(I'm ready to move on to this part - but it may be a while)